Jesus Wants To Make You A Millionaire
We know that he
worked as a carpenter
until
he gave it up to
travel
tell stories
and generally
piss off people like me
We know that he
was a homeless man
without
his own bed
he relied on the
starry sky and the four walls
of friends and strangers
for brief moments of solitude
and rest from it all
We know that most of his
close friends ended very badly
either
tortured and executed
for association with the Jew
or
exiled to a distant island
plagued by terrible visions
in old age
We know that he
was not a social climber
managing
to make powerful enemies
whenever he opened his mouth
he turned to the broke
dined with tax collectors
walked openly with hookers
sat too close to the sick
talked too long to the criminal
We know that he
was sold down the river
by one of his best friends
for around
twelve thousand
That he
spent his final years
on the run from the government
That he
turned down the desperately
hoped for plans of a Coup d’etat
That he
talked more than anyone else
about unfashionable things like hell
That he
willingly rode to his execution
on a borrowed ass
And yet we still believe
that
Jesus’ main objective
through his hard living
and bloody slaughter
was to make you a
millionaire
To make sure
That your life is
as comfortable as possible
That your kid
attends the right college
That your mortgage
is paid up
That your portfolio
is properly diversified
That your career
moves from success to success
That you are given due respect
for your efforts
And finally
that your confidence
in the Dollar, the Euro and the Yen
is so complete that it
blots out
any need
you may have once had
for his
presence
- by Robert Bruce from his collection, “Make The Devil Fumble His Wine,” available here (PDF download).
Notes